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Ozzy Osbourne: Scream

22/10/10 || InquisitorGeneralis

Here is a question I want you to answer if you have seen Ozzy in concert in last few years. Be honest fuckers.

Have you gone to see the new material live? Really?

Of course you fucken haven’t. Last time I saw Ozzy I took my piss-break during “I don’t wanna stop”. You know you did too. His new material has sucked ever since “Ozzmosis” and even that record was decent at best. The first time I heard “Let me here you scream” on the radio I couldn’t believe how awful it was. The production, the vocals, the uninteresting structure; it was fucking suckage deluxe. I thought maybe I was being to hard and that the rest of the record would be better than the one song offered up to the bloodthirsty gods of the mass media and corporate radio.

Boy, was I wrong. Dead-as-ex-staffer-Smalley’s-sex-life-wrong. Dead as Daemo’s-independence-wrong. Dead as Sharon-Osbourne’s-facial-nerves wrong.

Now, none of this hate is directed towards Ozzy’s time in Sabbath and his awesome (although almost completely written by others) solo records of the 80’s and early 90’s. The man helped establish metal as a legitimate music form and through his personality, performances, and efforts like Ozzfest he has brought metal music back to prominence. I saw Priest, Maiden, Slayer, Down, Black Sabbath, and Mastodon all for the first time on an Ozzfest stage. I like the Ozzman, I really do. “Flying high again” and “Bark at the moon” will always be two of my favorite metal songs by any artist in any genre.

But this record sucks. It is clear that Ozzy has spent too much time hanging around mediocre hard rock acts because this piece of shit sounds more like Hinder and Papa Roach than “Diary of a Madman”. I don’t like any of it. The songs are bland, boring, and have no original feel or vibe to them whatsoever. “Man Cream” sounds like processed, prepackaged by-the-numbers shit. This is not metal. This is radio-friendly hard rock with Ozzy on the mic. The vocals sound so doctored and studio processed it could be anyone back there singing. Just listen to the opener “Let it die”. You will ask yourself what the fuck is the Ozzman smoking now? This sounds like Static X. This sounds like a rotten fart. This sucks. Ozzy even kind of raps on parts of the verses. Seriously.

Ozzy rapping is like Jesus being involved in a homosexual gangbang at Lord K’s house that is set to a Flyleaf playlist. Oh, I hear one of those is slated for next Saturday night. You bring the lube, K provides the Flyleaf. Moving on…

“Soul sucker” is a cock sucker of a song that continues the trend of boring song structures, completely unnatural sounding vocals (Nergal’s on ‘Demigod” sound less fucked-with than these), and lyrics that sound like they were written by a middle school student. Maybe this record suffers, like Jeebus on the stick suffers, because it features a brand new, pieced together, no chemistry band behind the Blizzard Wizzard. Obviously, Gus G can fucking play but the absence of Zakk Wylde is notable. It’s like replacing a double-bacon cheeseburger with a gyro. The Greek treat is good, but not as meaty, greasy, or delicious as its American predecessor. Gus Gus’ solo sound by the numbers and have no real emotion or feel to them. The riffs are decent but nothing memorable. Tommy Clufetos’ playing on the drums is proficient but uninspired and, like everything else on here, wholly unoriginal. I give major kudos to Mike Bordin for getting back with Faith No More and getting off of this sinking ship.

I think “Scream” is supposed to be darker and grittier than previous Ozzy records. The dude is fucking rich beyond all belief and worshiped all over the world. I am not buying the tough guy, grim act on this one. Sorry Ozz, life has just been too fucking good to your burnt-out ass for the past ten years. Supposedly, Double O Negative did the production himself. All I can say is you can add a mixing board to the list of things that Ozzy should be kept away from that includes open fires, bible studies, television cameras, and Sharon’s Botox-injected vagina.

There are no songs on here I would even call good let alone awesome. Let’s not even talk about the ballads. “Scream” feels like a tired effort and just something that was done to support a touring cycle. This is what I would expect from the Osbourne Corporation seeing as Sharon is now a judge on the truly repulsive talent show “America’s Got A.I.D.S” and Kelly is a member of the Fashion Police. The quality of Heaven and Hell’s “The Devil You Know” shows that those former Sabbathers are still making music based on their desires and skill. Maiden’s “The Final Frontier” has its flaws but it still is a solid, creative record. “Scream” shows that Ozzy is now just a mouthpiece for the money-making machine behind him. Don’t make any more albums Ozzman, this just makes you look stupid. Go out, tour, and just play the classic tracks that you can still perform on stage like no one else.

I own nine previous studio records from Ozzy and I would not put this above any of them in terms of quality. Fuck, “The Ultimate Sin” kills this. Unless you go to bed every night sucking on a plaster mold of Ozzy’s cock there is no need to spend a single fucking dime on this. Go see Ozzman in concert and just remember to take your piss and beer break during “Let me hear you scream” because I am sure that is only stinker from “Scream” that will make it on the set list. Fuck I hope so.

Ozzy, from a longtime devoted fan; please stop fucking making records like this. I am still going to see you in Baltimore next month, but it has nothing to do with this most recent shitstain of a CD. Look at the cover for christsakes, who came up with that design? Is Ozzy a Twilight character now!? Fuck, I’m done. Don’t buy “Scream”. The end.

Information
Released: 2010
Label: Epic
Website: www.ozzy.com
Band
Ozzy Osbourne: vocals
Gus “Gyro” G: guitars
Rob “Blasko in my face” Nicholson: bass
Adam “Wankerman” Wakeman: keyboards
Tommy “Not as good as Lee” Clufetos: drums, percussion

Tracklist
01. Let It Die (and by it, I mean this record)
02. Let Me Hear Your Scream (and you will after hearing this)
03. Soul Sucker (this sucks something, and it ain’t souls…)
04. Life Won’t Wait (neither will your bowels after hearing this)
05. Diggin’ Me Down (into my anus)
06. Crucify (Sharon, for the sake of Ozzy’s career nail that bitch up!)
07. Fearless (is easy to be when your brain is fucking toast)
08. Time (is not on Ozzy’s side)
09. I Want It More (into my anus)
10. Latimer’s Mercy (the dude from The Program shows no mercy!)
11. I Love You All (but will make you suffer with this piece of shit)

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